July 15, 2017

life with clubfoot-mama's point of view

it's so easy to go through the day not thinking my child has a disability. And then nighttime comes and we have to put his bnb on, or every 12 weeks we have to drive 4+ hours to his specialty doctor, or we have to be mindful of the type of shoes and socks we buy for him and i am quickly reminded that my child has clubfoot.

i think a lot of why i feel that way is because it's not something i feel like i can talk about. that, 'it's just clubfoot' and it's not a visible disability (anymore); it's not like my child has a deformity you can see. i don't even feel comfortable saying my child has a disability, because it's not something recognized by most states-or the general public-as a disability, and so it must not be one-right? but really, the awareness just isn't there. people don't understand clubfoot, and once the child's foot is fully corrected, they can't even tell there was a problem in the first place; so many people don't even know what clubfoot is! and while there are several groups and forums online that i participate in who share the same condition as joseph, locally i feel alone. there are only four families in my entire county with clubfoot and ours is one of them.

on the flip side, when joseph was in his casts for five weeks, then bnb 23/7 for three months, people asked me all sorts of questions (how did your baby break his leg? did you break it? *whispers* i bet she wasn't watching the baby and he rolled off the bed...) and often stared me down like i injured my child or something if they were too afraid to ask or whisper crap behind my back. i guess if anything, i'd rather his clubfoot not be visible than hearing all of that.

and i know; joseph could have it much worse, but just because he doesn't, that doesn't mean it's easy for us, or him. there are definitely some pretty 'normal' times, which make the hard times worth it, but i wish often that he wasn't born with clubfoot. and then i feel like a terrible mother for even thinking that because joseph is perfect. 

i'm sure we will reach a point where this will wash over us and we will have more and more 'normal' days. and really, i should just enjoy the time we're currently in while looking forward to total freedom from this.

July 06, 2017

easy homemade toothpaste

i've been using truthpaste for about a year now and recently my husband just made the switch. and while purchasing natural toothpaste is totally worth it, buying a new jar of paste every six weeks or so isn't ideal. i'll continue using truthpaste, but i am cutting my husband off; completely off. he went through a jar of paste in six weeks. six weeks. as i type this, he is walking down the hallway and i am about to ask him to turn his butt around and show me just how much paste he is actually putting on his toothbrush, because i just don't believe it! but, since he has to brush his teeth, i can't cut him off from toothpaste entirely. i mean... i have to kiss that mouth, so it needs to be fresh. i decided to dig around for my old toothpaste recipes-from when i used to blog and sew daily all things crafty-and make him a jar of his own toothpaste.

if ever there is a recipe that is super easy, it's toothpaste. you only need three ingredients for the simplest paste; more if you want to switch up the flavor. those ingredients are:

  • coconut oil
  • baking soda
  • essential oil
  • optional: spices

for a basic peppermint toothpaste, mix 1/4 c each of coconut oil and baking soda. add 20-30 drops of peppermint oil and mix. 

for a cinnamony flavor (the one i made my husband), mix 1/4 c each of coconut oil and baking soda, then add 1 teaspoon each of nutmeg and cinnamon, and lastly 10 drops of clove essential oil. mix together.

you can switch up spices for variety or keep it simple with the peppermint oil. store homemade toothpaste in a small glass jar or container. i reused the empty truthpaste jar my husband annihilated and this amount fit almost perfectly. i think i'll alternate flavors when he runs out to keep it fun. 

what's your favorite flavor and brand of toothpaste? 

June 30, 2017

loving my husband

three days ago something happened in me that scared the shit out of me: i had found out something about my husband's past that really upset me and shook me to the core. this was a feeling that i hadn't experienced in many years and with the somewhat fragile state i'm in currently (still over here suffering from postpartum depression/anxiety and ptsd), it knocked me down. without airing his-or all of our-dirty laundry, i'll just say that this piece of information i had found out was regarding a girl and it really had absolutely nothing to do with me, as this season of his life was before me. but, of course, i didn't even care about the 'this was before my time' bit and let it just consume me.

for just about two whole days i was brooding and distant; inside my own head just running over everything. or letting everything just run over me, really. i tend to get that way; i'll let whatever it is just well up and fester inside of me, drawing myself away from everything and everyone, unable to think about anything other than the stupid crap in my head. i let the dishes pile up, the toys spill out and stay all over the floor, and i just lay helpless on the couch as the world so happily passes my sad and pathetic self by.

i am probably one of the most insecure people you will ever meet. i also have a hard time letting things roll off of me and take things to heart; i'm a pretty sensitive person. i don't have much confidence and in this season i'm in, i'm also pretty hard on myself. i'm so critical and when i think about where i want to be physically, but don't see it in the mirror at all, it overtakes me. so when i found out something about this girl, whom i absolutely love and adore and think is one of the most beautiful creatures that will ever grace mother earth, i died a little bit inside. i felt as though my world was most absolutely crashing to the ground. i began comparing myself to her, looking at my body and my face and seeing so very clearly all of the ugliness that i wear, suddenly despising this beautiful woman that has absolutely nothing to do with me. i began thinking about all of the times in the future i'll be seeing her, where we will all be together, and wondering if he is thinking about her in that way still. i also thought back to all the times we have already spent with her and if those feelings of his were still there. you guys, i'm serious when i say that i can be so very lame sometimes. i mean, honestly friends... don't we all have a past? didn't we once (or many times) date another person, kiss another person, think about someone else? so why is it that we (as in me) freak out whenever the past is brought up? i had two other kids, from two different dads, before him. lame. i am so very lame sometimes.

the day after this information was awfully solicited to me, my husband asked me what was wrong and if i was okay. we were at work and didn't want to ruin his day, so i didn't say anything right away, but i just couldn't hold it inside anymore. while we were sitting down having lunch together (because my life actually is pretty amazing. so amazing, in fact, that i get to work with my husband and have lunch with him every day.) i just blurted it all out. and he confirmed what i had hoped he'd just tell me was all bullshit. i'm pretty sure the rest of the day was a blur.

when he got home from work i was just a useless blob on the couch, half-assed playing with the boys. he came up to me and asked if i wanted to attempt to talk right now (since the boys were still up). my chest had felt like someone had placed a hundred pound weight on it, so i jumped at the opportunity to talk, even though the boys were running around the living room playing, not expecting an argument. an argument is what happened. hey; i am not proud. my husband and i have had our share of fights and we always either wait until they're in bed or not around to hash it out. we weren't yelling, but there was definitely some tension between us and some negative energy floating around (i should probably sage the house with him this weekend). hitting a wall with our conversation, we decided to finish out the evening with the boys, focusing on them, even though i was fuming and brooding. once they were in bed, we continued our conversation, or, my husband just laid it all out on the table for me, rather.

i have to tell you all: my husband is a good man. oh, he is so good. he's the best i've ever had and i am truly, truly fortunate that he loves me the way he does. he is a gracious, forgiving, caring, loving man and puts up with way too much of me. and in this situation, no one did anything wrong. this piece of information i found out was, like i said, before my time; before me. and even though some pieces of our past can sneak through the filter and affect what is now, those pieces do not define us separately. my husband poured out his heart to me, as he so graciously does whenever i act lame like this; and once i let it all soak in, i washed all of those negative thoughts away with his words. we sat down on the couch together to continue watching the grey's anatomy series (i'm starting over from the beginning because he's never seen the series!) and i just laid my head on his shoulder. that was my way of letting him know that everything is okay, that i am not angry-nor was i ever angry-and that all of my pieces have been put back together again. and in that moment i knew that he is my forever. i knew that i am going to love this man for the rest of my entire existence. i mean, i have always known that i loved him and have always been sure; but i know this so clearly, so honestly, because before him i would have given up. i would have let something like this, something so freaking trivial, be the end of it all-the end of my marriage. but i can't even imagine my life without him. what was life before him? i don't even know and it doesn't even matter.

i'm just over here, loving my husband. and i will do that forever.

June 17, 2017

the new me

recently i decided to chop off a huge amount of hair. i was getting fed up with having to straighten it all the time and washing it took too much time and energy. i also was feeling like i needed a big change to help boost my confidence and chopping my hair was the right move. (look at those bags under my eyes!)

my good friend savannah did it for me at mint salon + spa and did such a good job. it was amazing to have all that weight-literally and figuratively-lifted. a few weeks after my cut she brightened my hair up some more and now i just feel amazing.

if you're thinking about chopping your hair, do it! it feels so good to just let it go and it's just hair; it'll grow back! i was coveting my long hair for so long, afraid to let go of it for whatever reason, but i am so glad i did it.

June 06, 2017

daoust tribe family photos

a little over a week ago we had family photos done. we are very fortunate that oliver's dad is so willing to take them for us; he always does such an amazing job. and since bry will be spending the next year with her dad in arizona, we got them done much earlier in the year so she would be in our holiday photos.

the boys were being so uncooperative during the photo shoot, which made me somewhat flustered, plus the wind totally destroyed mine and the baby's hair, but somehow they came out just fine.

featuring a bibett's ring sling in oatmeal (if you click on the link and make a purchase, we both receive rewards points!).

you can find richard on instagram!

June 03, 2017

world clubfoot day-joseph's clubfoot journey

today is world clubfoot day. as you may know, joseph was born with congenital right clubfoot; though, we didn't know it was clubfoot when he was born. after researching and fighting for a referral, we finally got answers we were waiting for and joseph was diagnosed with clubfoot. it's been a year since the beginning of joseph's clubfoot journey and what a year it has been.

at just 12 weeks he had to get a cast every week for five weeks.

and at 17 weeks get got to graduate to his boots and bar without surgery.

and while joseph has been amazing and rocking life with his bnb...

it's been a tough year for us all. what has been the biggest blessing is a great community of parents out there who share in the same struggles and can be there for support, resources and advice when needed; which has definitely made this last year a lot easier than if we were going through this alone. as we gear up to celebrate world clubfoot day next weekend, i keep thinking of all the familiar faces i will finally get to meet at the event and keep catching myself well up with tears.

though our journeys will all be different, our goal is all the same. happy world clubfoot day!

May 31, 2017

tribe adventures

it's rare that we get to spend a saturday with dad at home, but the shop was closed for the strawberry festival, so we went on a little adventure.

we started the morning out slow, just lounging around the house having breakfast and playing with the boys.

then we headed out to my husband's aunt's house for a little visit. we always love going out there because she lives on this gorgeous piece of land with rolling hills in every direction. its always so lovely to sit out on her deck and chat about life while staring at the beauty around us. the boys played with her cat toys and piddled around her property, while bry colored.

after that sweet visit, we headed over to the elfin forest in los osos and walked the loop. baby had fallen asleep, so we found a nice little shaded spot with benches to hang out for a bit while bry climbed trees and oliver pretended we were in the movie sing and on stage performing. he's been quite obsessed with that movie lately-it's adorable.

 once we completed the loop, we went to a park in morro bay that's right on the water. it was a nice end to a fun and lovely day. the weather was perfect and the boys were very well-behaved.

looking forward to many more adventures this summer.